Collective Moments of Joy and Pain: How Women’s Circle Gatherings Foster Connection and Belonging.
One of my ultimate favorite memories was from our wedding. It was our first dance. My sister-in-laws sang our song “Can’t Help Falling in Love” (you know the one…”wise men say…”). It was very moving to have such special people singing for us. Towards the end of the song, everyone in the room started singing along with them. It felt like all of our guests were singing to us and holding us in that moment. It was beyond beautiful and I’ll never not cry thinking about it.
This is just one of many times in my life where I experienced what Brene Brown calls “collective joy and pain.” It was a moment when I felt connected to the people around me. We were having a shared experience. It made me feel as if I truly belonged to this group of people. I was forever bonded to them because of this experience.
Connection and belonging is my passion and I’m always collecting data. One of my favorite resources is Brene Brown’s book Braving the Wilderness. In it, she discusses how today's polarized social and political climates make it more difficult to find connection and understanding with others. She argues that in order to "brave the wilderness," we must practice vulnerability, trust in ourselves, and cultivate a sense of empathy toward others. By doing so, we can create a deeper sense of belonging not only within ourselves but also in our communities, despite differences.
One of the ways for us all to come together to feel connected is to experience “collective moments of joy and pain so we can actually bear witness to inextricable human connection.” These are shared experiences with others, including strangers (think concert experience, church gathering, a funny story in a touching eulogy that makes everyone laugh). These moments are reminders that we’re all human and we have that in common.
Brene talks about her favorite collective moments of joy and pain. Now I’d like to share mine. These are some of my most favorite memories of all time.
I studied abroad in London junior year of college. There was one week that I was feeling extra homesick. My family was back home celebrating Canadian Thanksgiving together and I was missing it for the first time. My friends on the trip surprised me with our own Thanksgiving meal. It was such a thoughtful gesture. Nothing cured my homesickness like sitting down with these incredible people and sharing a meal. I felt forever connected to them because of this moment.
I don’t consider myself a religious person but I grew up singing in a Catholic church. While most of the mass didn’t speak to me, the music always did. The music moved me in a way that nothing else could. I loved leading the church in song. It felt magical when we all sang together.
It’s no surprise that I love to sing and that music is “the most powerful form of collective joy.” Many of my examples involve music. Collective music-making is one of my favorite things; it’s why I became a music teacher. A simple classroom full of teenagers singing a meaningful song will always move me.
I’ve had that same experience many times with collective sing-alongs. Last year, we took our kids to one of their first concerts. They didn’t know many songs from the Beatles tribute band, but they love “Hey Jude.” When it came time for the nah nah nah’s, the entire auditorium was singing and swaying together. My daughter, June, was convinced the entire place was singing “Hey, June” to her!
Although sports isn’t always my thing, sporting events are full of collective experiences. Chants, a “Sweet Caroline” sing-along, and the wave are just a few fun moments of being together. Recently, my nephew had the game winning hit and the team was chanting his name. Magic!
Most of these examples are collective moments of joy. Brene Brown understands that collective moments of pain are also an important time to be together. I’ve had many moments like this as well. I have sung for a lot of hospice patients and at funerals. As tough as it is, it’s also very moving. Singing with others is a beautiful way to come together and grieve. It also feels like a celebration of life.
I recently led the singing of Amazing Grace at a memorial after the shootings in Lewiston, Maine. Hundreds of us sang together, holding hands or arms around one another. It felt amazing to come together in song after a tragedy like that. I felt honored to be asked to lead.
Brene points out that it’s difficult to show up for moments like these. It takes courage and vulnerability to be reminded that we are human. It’s much easier to stare at our phones and disconnect. Getting together and having collective experiences ‘contribute to a life filled with ‘a sense of meaning, increased positive affect, an increased sense of social connection and a decreased sense of loneliness- all essential components of a healthy, happy life.”
The Bread and Roses Club women’s circle gatherings are a collective experience- sometimes of joy, sometimes of pain, often both. We come together and are reminded of the human connection. We share vulnerably and show up to hold one another. These support circles offer a deep sense of meaning and purpose.
One of the main reasons I started the Bread and Roses Club was to promote connection and belonging. For too long, we have spent too much time alone and without other women. We are desperate for time together with our sisters and friends. It’s often very difficult to find the time to take a break from our lives to have these moments of togetherness.
My goal is to make getting together and having these collective moments as easy as possible. By creating virtual sharing circles, women can login from home. Childcare, therefore, is not as big a barrier. We meet on Sunday mornings at 9am.
When you think back on your life, what are your memories of collective moments of joy and pain? Did they feel magical? Did they foster a sense of belonging and connection? How can we seek out these opportunities for ourselves to increase our well being and contentment?
Reference:
Braving the Wilderness by Brene Brown
