"From Sobriety Meetings to Women's Circles: The Healing Power of Support Circles and Vulnerability"
I gave up drinking in 2018, the day after my daughter’s first birthday. I didn’t like my relationship with alcohol. It filled me with shame and guilt. I was willing to quit drinking to avoid those terrible feelings. I haven’t abstained completely since then, but I consider myself a non-drinker now. You might call me sober-ish.
My father was an alcoholic. He was sober most of my life, but he was a “dry drunk,” a term that means he didn’t drink, but he carried a lot of anger like a drunk does. He had a mean temper. We were always walking on eggshells around him. He was verbally abusive. He was everything a mean drunk would be, without the booze. He had gotten sober, but forgot to finish the 12 steps. He had stopped going to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and was stuck.
When I was a young adult, he started going back to AA. It was like a light switch. He was a different person. His anger subsided and a much more loving and compassionate person emerged. I finally had the father I had wanted all those years.
Eventually, my dad became the King of AA (my title for him, not his). He passed away a few years ago but I know he wouldn’t mind me telling you. He was proud to be a member of AA. He loved hosting meetings and being a sponsor. He would’ve told you he owed his sobriety to AA. He would attend at least one meeting a day, sometimes more, and loved every second.
I only attended a handful of meetings with him but I loved them as much as he did. I loved watching my father get up to speak, cry and bear his soul. It was one of the few times he showed real emotion. I loved watching other people speak and unburden themselves of the shame and guilt they felt over their decisions. It was magic watching the relief flood their bodies.
AA can be a wonderful tool for many. However, it is heavily attended by males traditionally. This can be a roadblock for many women who are looking for the right support group. There’s also a dark history of newly sober and vulnerable women being taken advantage of by men in AA.
There are, however, other online groups that are more female-friendly. I’ve poked my head into a couple of them. She Recovers is an amazing program for women who are recovering from anything- mental health issues, trauma, substance abuse, and eating disorders. They hold meetings in person and online with a sharing model similar to AA. The Luckiest Club is another support community that holds meetings online. They, too, take turns and share what’s on their minds. They unload the heavy burdens that they carry or celebrate a milestone.
Turns out, the opposite of addiction is connection. “Connection is what nearly all people battling are craving, whether they realize it or not. It’s the human connection that each person needs in order to feel loved, supported and understood.” In his TED Talk Everything You Think You Know About Addiction is Wrong, Johann Hari explains addiction is less about brain chemistry and more about social connection. The key to recovery, then, is gatherings.
Sober people have this daily practice of showing up and connecting with others. People who are practicing sobriety and attending meetings are getting this amazing experience of love and belonging from others. They come together to share what’s on the mind and hearts. They find solidarity. They find support and lift one another up. They witness each other's lives. Doesn’t that sound amazing?
Imagine if we took this same experience but brought it to the general public. That’s what I’m attempting to create. A space for people to come and share their deep feelings. A place to unburden. A place to meet other women who will listen and hold you.
I’ve created a women’s circle gathering (sharing circles). It’s a time for women to come together and just talk. We gather to be with one another in community. We walk away with feelings of love and belonging. We find the connection we’re always looking for.
Just like AA, all women are welcome to a sharing circle. They are meant for anyone who likes to be with other women. It’s meant to act as both a support circle and a girl’s night.
Some days you’ll come with a lot to say. Maybe you’re dealing with a challenge at work or at home and you need to vent. Maybe you’ve had an amazing week and want to celebrate with your sisters! We’re eager to listen to anything you have to say. Other days, you’ll come with an open heart, ready to listen to the women who are struggling or celebrating the things in their lives. If the idea of sharing makes you feel nervous, remember how much you can get from hearing someone else’s story. You can find validation and relief when you hear from someone in a similar position as you.
You’ve likely heard how important relationships are to our mental health and wellbeing. Isolation is terrible for your health. Research has found that loneliness and social isolation may be as bad for your health as obesity or smoking 15 cigarettes a day and significantly impacts mental health. Social isolation is associated with a 50% increase in dementia or other serious medical conditions.
Maintaining social connection is the antidote to loneliness and isolation. Being in community with other people is the key to improving mental health and reducing depression and anxiety. It’s no surprise then that AA is as effective as psychotherapy and is proven to improve mental health and quality of life. Being together has proven to increase overall wellbeing and health.
AA is effective in keeping people sober but there are more benefits than just maintaining sobriety. Meeting regularly to talk and connect is the key to wellbeing. Gathering with other people will improve your health but also feels great. Everyone deserves this opportunity to experience love, belonging and acceptance.
Sharing Circles are held Sunday mornings at 9am. If you’re ready to experience love belonging and acceptance, join us this week.
