A Slice of Utopia
The country of Singapore is an idyllic bubble. It is a tropical paradise located in Southeast Asia. It is a Pleasantville of sorts. Living in Singapore feels like a dream. The locals speak English, making it a very comfortable place for outsiders and expats to acclimate. Small talk always includes the weather, even though the weather is exactly the same every day- 92 degrees and humid. The food is eclectic, cheap and delicious.
My husband and I moved there in 2015. It was our choice to go and we were thrilled to have this adventure before having kids. We didn’t plan on it, but we got the baby bug and decided to get pregnant our second year there. Our daughter was born in 2017. Until I was pregnant, I hadn’t realized what an amazing place it could be to raise children.
Singapore is rated as the 9th safest country in the world. The US is rated #129. Singapore has little to no gun violence. In 2019, there were 2 deaths by gun violence. Small children, some as young as 7, ride the bus or train to school unaccompanied. Their parents know that their country is safe and that the adults are looking out for them.
In Singapore, there’s a culture of shared parenting. When you meet a stranger, you call them “auntie” or “uncle” implying that everyone is related in some way; that Singaporeans are all one big family. The assumption is that they will take care of one another.
Their citizens are respectful and dutiful. Without direction, adults will line up in an orderly fashion to board the train, no matter how busy it is. Coming from New York City a few years beforehand, this was shocking. It begs the questions- can this be taught?
Singapore has invested in this culture of being kind and caring for one another. Throughout the country, there are advertising campaigns reminding the residents to make kind decisions.
Riding public transportation is a dream. Once everyone has boarded in an orderly fashion (I cannot overemphasize how amazing this is to witness), there are signs everywhere, reminding you to make kind decisions.
The obvious example is giving up your seat for someone in need. This act of respect appears even in barbaric NYC, but Singapore leveled up. Stand Up Stacy is there with a wave to give you a gentle nudge if you forget to be kind.
Bag Down Benny reminds us “with my bag down, there’s more room for others.” Move In Martin encourages joining him in “the Martin Shuffle and move in”. Hush Hush Hannah says “keeping my volume down turns frowns upside down.”
Singapore is known for creating campaigns like this. In 2013, Singapore launched a movement called Dads For Life (DFL). It was a common occurrence to see a DFL bumper sticker while driving around in support of fatherhood in Singapore. Fathers were encouraged to take a more active role as there were more and more women joining the workforce. Singapore even implemented a government-funded one week paternity leave for working and self-employed fathers.
If the Ministry of Manpower is telling you to do something in Singapore, you do it. No chewing gum, give up your seat and show up as a parent. The older generations of Singaporeans have witnessed a total transformation of their country in the last 50 years, largely due to Lee Kuan Yew’s vision and investment in the country. This generation has total faith in a government that has brought so much prosperity to their small country.
The younger generation, though, are not so sure. Many youths are skeptical of the total trust in the government and don’t feel that freedom of speech really exists there.
I imagine I would feel torn as a Singaporean. As an expat, though, it feels like paradise, a safe haven from a politically-divisive United States of America (this was 2015 afterall). We returned apprehensively in 2017 to family and eager grandmothers. Since being back, I often wonder: could the US benefit from some of these practices? What if all Americans took a vested interest in one another and we treated each other like family? What if we called all the adults “uncle” and “auntie”? What if we kept our children safe with stricter gun laws? Could the US launch a similar kindness campaign? What ideals would we want to reinforce for our future utopia?
